No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
