he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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