Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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