Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
