She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
