he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you didnt know i had herpes?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
