i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's just like the Real World with babies
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
