Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
