im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
