Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
how does that bad decision feel?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
