Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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