just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
