she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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