Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
