Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
