Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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