Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
