And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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