Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
