we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
