I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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