apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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