# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
