11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
