my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
