sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Too much gin, very little bucket
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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