yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
