i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
