He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
