my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
