I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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