how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
