i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize