i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
