Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
