He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
