well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
