im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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