I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
