I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
