So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My bed smells like the plague
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
