The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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