I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
