I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How external is "for external use only"?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
