You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
