I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
