Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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