So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
