So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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