Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've blown a few things in my day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
