Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
