my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is my gift to your gina
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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