i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You smell like stripper and shame
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
