All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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