there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
