Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
