it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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