I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
