okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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