It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
