my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
