I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we made out on top of his cat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
