i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
