My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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