WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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