R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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