And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
