my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
