Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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