Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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