It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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