More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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