and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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