dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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