Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Even my vagina gasped.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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