he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
