So drunk its hurt
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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