i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize