So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
